It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
