i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
