Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
