Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
