Apparently you make a good broom.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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