OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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