He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize