i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
a search helicopter?!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Randomize
