I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
