Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
