Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
