69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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