Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
