JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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