im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
