I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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