I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
