Sponge bath it is.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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