dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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