What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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