sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
