So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
