Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
