I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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