I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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