I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
