i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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