She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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