sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
