i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
