that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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