forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize