I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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