so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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