I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
