mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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