Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
