The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
