Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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