so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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