So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The convent might be a nice break from real life
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
