maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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