theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
someone owes me an orgasm
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
