duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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