Just fell off a train. Bad.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
