Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
