You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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