Life is so much better after having sex.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
