Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
