Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
