Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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