I'm lost and stupid without you.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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