dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
