I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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