I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
