i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
