But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
