So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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