found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
