That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
