i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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