Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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