so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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