i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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