dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
