what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
