The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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