I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
