Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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