Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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