Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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