I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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