Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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