Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize