it's too hot outside to masturbate.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize