oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
