When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
