Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize