There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
