I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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