Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
