New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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