It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
